We were Hellions I tell you!!!

We were Hellions I tell you!!!

I think it was like the seventh grade and I run in to these two characters. There is a big guy named Stephen Day. Of course that’s not his real last name but it’s kind of a play on words. I did kind of wonder of his estranged father was a famous basketball coach that had a reputation for a bad temper. Nuff said! The other guy is kinda small and is named like a great deceased Rock singer let’s call him Jimmy Blorrison or Jimmy Blor for short. These two meatballs are kinda cool in that they are regular guys. Bustin chops and laughing are the two things to live for kinda friends. But there were a couple of warning shots that I overlooked by choice. I took a switchblade off Stephen one time, cuffed him in back of the head asking him what the hell he was thinking. I must also say there was another guy hanging around that left no doubts that he would be culled early or he was going to be a dependant in the state penal colony for a very long time. His name was Gary Huge-anon. He was sort of a Cro-Magnon greaser with a broad streak of evil in him. He is out of the sunlight last I knew and scheduled to stay that way. Anyway he is a non issue in this story and will not be mentioned again.

So one day we are kind of moaning how we are treated as children and we should go out with the to the left coast with the hippy free love groups. Hit the road and be free and all that excretement. So we pooled out cash and headed to Providence. We go to the bus station and find with our very impressive wealth we can get to Boston! WOW! Well it’s a start anyway but we got an hour wait for the buss. Never having been in the bus station before, we went exploring. Now if you had ever been in a bus station back in the 60’s you will know what I am talking about when I say it’s not the cream of the crop that frequents these places. In fact I think the only place danker, more dangerous and littered with lowlifes than the bus station is the train station, especially at night, but more on that later.

Before long there are guys trying to pick up Jimmy, and nasty grossly painted him/she’s(?) are offering to inseminate n’ edjumacate us all. Steve and I would just glare at them and make them slink back into their little dark cesspools but Jimmy being young looking and small only had his mouth to bludgeon the creeps. But I got to tell you his mouth shot full metal jackets and was always on full auto. It helped having two good sized if not overly big friends laughing and egging him on. (What are friends for?)

So after a lot of laughs and a lot of gross edjumication about the world and the dark places we boarded a bus for Beantown. It’s funny but I remember stepping on the bus thinking “Here it is, the point of no return! The start of freedom and a great adventure. It might take a week or a month but I will call from Haight Ashbury and tell the folks about the hot free love hippy women and Califo…..whew! Are we really doing this? Guess so!”.!

All the way to Boston we talked about the joys of freedom and what it will be like. We hit town with about $5 between us. We got off the bus and looked around. OK now what. Hey lets go see Fenway! Cool. It’s a building. Who knew? Now what? We spend the $5 on drinks and a couple bags of munchies. So we are hanging just watching the big city do it’s big city thing when we get hungry again. I know what we need! Mo money! So we start panhandeling. Me and Stephen are lousy at it. Jimmy is a GOD! AH SO! Looking young and vulnerable is an valuable asset when begging. Good info! Maybe threatening will also increase our luck. Steve is really striking out. I’m only a little better when Steve sees a oriental man bopping down the street and jumps out and asks him for a buck. The guy is like “I no speek de eengrush!” immediately Steve is laughing and yelling for the guy to give him 25 yen and we are all cracking up except the man. He just walks off fast yelling something. I’m embarrassed to say I laughed but I sure did.

We quickly realized that starvation would arrive before we actually made enough for us to eat and decided to pull a chew & screw. We bad or what? So we pick out this little Italian restaurant that looked to be an easy fast exit. I think I had Spaghetti and Meatballs but Jimmy and Stephen got some fancy expensive dishes. As soon as we finished Stephen said lets go and we all got up. Well they were waiting for us. They almost got Jimmy as we were bailing for the door and we could hear them chasing us up the street yelling before we dusted them and quickly got a few blocks away. Even with the full bellies we got out of Dodge purty dern quick.

So now we are in Boston and the evening is wearing thin but we are digging the sights. So we walked and talked but before too long we realized we had no money and no plan and no place to sleep. Funny how some things escape younguns that are high on life juices. I think we all came to the realization that we had not completely thought this our or used a lick of common sense by around 10:00pm.

We were just sort of scuffling along when we see a limo pull up to the curb and a guy and his girl get out all dressed to the 9’s. They go up some steps and we see him flash something and stick it into a slot then go in the door. Then like a golden beacon we see the sign and it’s the Boston Playboy Club. Sort of a Mecca of adolescent dreams. We watch a while and a steady stream of limos and nice cars pull up. Some couples just come walking up the street and go in. I think Jimmy was first to approach a couple and ask for money to get home. Well the dude not wanting to look cheap to his date yanks out a $5 and lays it on him. We are just flabbergasted and quickly form the beggers line. We started hitting everyone up as they came and most of the time they were laying some serious cash on us. At least by our standards.

Again we realize that Jimmy looks the most innocent and needy so Stephen and I lay back and watch the master. He’s playing to the ladies looking all young and scared then when getting the score he’s running back to us and crackin’ wize. It was not long and we had enough to get another meal; and back to Providence. Fact is I think we could have taken a Taxi but we had one more Boston mission before we bid goodbye to Beantown.

We had to get inside the CLUB! There didn’t seem to have a doorman. It looked like members just inserted a card and the door unlocked and in they went. So when Steve saw another couple go in he ran up and put his foot in the door before it closed. He made a sweeping gesture to us to enter and that’s just what we did. We stood just inside the door taking it all in. There was a coat check room and the lady in it with the ears with boobs spilling up over her shiny little pink bathing suit was staring at us. But there were a lot of those ladies walking around. I don’t think any of us could close our mouths or roll out tongues back in. Soon a big fella in a tux ambled over and asked if he could help us. I got the words “We want a job!” out. He laughed and said “I’ll tell you what. Go back outside and down the right side of the building. There is a window there and someone will be there. Ask them for an application!”, and with that he opened the door and made us understand that it was time to leave. Which we did. As we were leaving he told us to not do that again and I believe he meant it. We did go down the alley which I know now was not a very bright thing to do but there was a window and there was someone sitting behind the glass but we never went up to it. We may be dumb but we ‘taint stooped (ha)!

So we get ourselves back to the bus station and are told we can take the last bus back to Providence at midnight which was about half an hour off. So for half an hour we fend off the denizens of the night and creepies in the shadows but we are a little more prepared and having a little fun doing it this time.

The ride back was pretty uneventful but when we get back to good ole Pville it has started drizzling. Upon entering the bus station we are informed that the station will be closing in 10 minutes until 5 in the morning and everyone has to leave. We notice a couple of other kids and they say they are going to the train station that never closes. We decide it’s better than standing in the drizzle but on the way we spot a hot dog vendor. It is a trailer parked on the street and there are people getting hot dogs. So we blow the rest of the tribute on dogs, fries and drinks and proceed to the train station swilling the booty on the way.

Remember when I told you “the only place more dank, dangerous and littered with lowlifes than the bus station is the train station”? The place would have been brighter if they had lit it’s cavernous maw with one candle. It’s wooden benches creaked and rocked sending echo’s not unlike screaming victims of the Spanish Inquisition in the dungeons of despair. Forgotten souls walked zombie like or snored under newspaper or sat muttering obscenities and nonsense. Panhandlers and hookers for the blind deaf and dumb stalked between the benches. I thought the bus station was bad…this place smelled of urine and retch which only added to the stickey floor what was thankfully hidden from sight by the lack of lighting. We picked a bench and circled the wagons.

A couple hours of one eye sleeping and we beat feet outta there. Deciding this life on the road stuff was pretty poor we started walking up US Rt. 44 and back to the country where at least the beds were soft and warm and disease don’t walk up to you asking for incubation rights. Powerful tired we were on that walk and out of the 17 miles (thankfully my house was about 5 miles before Stephen or Jimmys) we got rides for about 8 of them. While trudging through one town I was surprised to see my parents headed towards Providence. They smiled and waved and kept right on going. Thanks! Guess I deserved it.

Well it was quite a while before I ran away again. Plus the lessons of the first time were not lost on me. Mistakes ain’t half bad as long as you survive and learn by them. Nothing was ever said about the adventure at my house, I guess Jimmy got a beating by his father and Stephen got a guilt trip from his mother but I had already decided I’d cool the friendships with them. Often wonder what happened with them, they disappeared from the school system and I never heard from them again. Maybe they snuck back up to Beantown and filled out an application. Stephen is most likely shooing out the crazy kids that stick their foot in the door of the Bunny Club and Jimmy is perched in the window in the alley. I’m just sitting here trying to get these pages unstuck. “George… tell me about the rabbits again George! The rabbits!”! …. “This month’s top rabbit likes romantic dinners and long walks along deserted beaches at night Lenny!”.

You people need to quit wasting time reading this drivel. I mean really… how much of your time are you gonna let me waste! Hey ya got a buck to help a kid get back to Providence? Huh? You got a pretty girlfriend and a real nice car so howsabout it? Give a kid a break?

Be Well

AmbergrismOoOn