Pennies in spring
When springs are tough they can be a real pain to put on anything. Case in point…a motorcycle centerstand spring. It is under tension at all times and that tension is pretty good too. I had wrestled a few into place in my life and to tell the truth I had convinced myself that they were not worth it. That is until I wanted to lube the chain or do an oil and filter change or even just wash the bike. So I was crusin’ a motorcycle web and I came across a tip I found to be so simple I almost flatlined.
It’s almost like the story of the trailer truck carrying such a large load that it could not fit under a bridge. It was 2 inches too high. For almost a day engineers and brainiacs stood around and discussed things like sawing off the top of the thing on the trailer or disassembling it. Some wanted to turn around and go another way but all routes held other obstacles even more challenging. But it took a little girl who lived nearby and had come with her daddy to see the conflagration of brainpower work it out. After she was told of the problem she looked up at her daddy and asked “Why don’t they let some air out of the tires?”. Needless to say everyone lived happily ever after.
Well now that I told you something you have most likely heard 100 X before and you are tapping your fingers, making heavy sighing “I’m bored!” noises or holding that revolver to your helmet holder soooooooo we’ll get back to that spring now. Take that evil spring over to your vice and lock it in. Then go get that roll of pennies you think of as “mana for a rainy day” (ya cheap SOB!). Now bend the spring to the right. As the gap opens on the left slip a penny into it. Now bend the spring to the left and place a penny into the gap on the right. Repeat repeatedly! Soon you will have a lengthened spring and you should be able to place the spring into position easily. NOW! Get out the all-mighty vice grips or just a good set of pliers and yank those shiny copper bits right out of the spring. Shazzam! You are the wizard of the grease monkeys! The Grease Gorilla if you will! Smart as a little girl!
Dishwasher Speedo/Tach Condensation Miracle
In reviving old bikes one is bound to come across gauges that have become fugly and unreadable. In some cases this is when the manufacturer has used plastic as a lens and it has become opaque. I’m sorry but you will have to open the gauge and replace this lens. But often it is just a case of condensation on the back of the lens and a forming of a milky haze or stain. There are all kinds of “here is how to open them gauges up and remove the stain and then crimp they back together” articles. I have never had the patience to do it. I tried it twice and the results were usually followed by increased drinkin’, self pity and gauges being hand grenade lobbed into trash receptacles.
During one of those times of despair and agony I was emptying the dishwasher when I saw those same stains on some glassware. I took note. Then in a little while I saw a commercial that told about those same stains coming from the dishwasher and a product called Jet Dri. It promised no more stains! I had quite a few gauge pods from the years and most of them had those nasty stains so I decided to experiment. I made a nice bath of warm to the touch water and added some Jet Dri to the water. I then dipped the most corrupted gauge in it and swooshed (technical term). A few seconds later I removed the gauge and the stains were gone. I blew as much water as I could out of the unit and placed it in the sun to dry. I had to blow it dry a couple more times and again place it in the sun. It would fog up but after a few times it decreased and soon was bone dry. Now for the real test I put it on a motorcycle. As of right now I have over 10,000 miles on the culprit. In fact it worked so good I did the same thing to my KZ900 gauges and they are stain free and over 5,000 + miles since the Jet Dri treatment.
Now I have been told I am nuts (Jury is still out on that and it don’t look good) and I have been looked at in total disbelief as I told the story but I assure you this is true and I would not hesitate to do it again if need be. I did make sure I had another set of gauges as backup. It sure beats un-crimping and crimping the band around the gauges. Just make sure the gauges work before doing it and realize it worked for me. You are a totally different person…you know what I mean? I’ve done it twice with great results. If you do it and end up with a pile of schmegma…. don’t come looking for me with a big gun. Mine is bigger and always sighted in. The choice is yours and I support your decision.
Removing baffles …. you FOOLS!
My uncle twitches. My aunt bitches. Mostly at my uncle that twitches! But it’s really not his fault. He was a Howitzer Gunner. She on the other hand has a 2 X chromosomes that obviously fight each other and make her bitchy. Better to have the yin and yang of chromosomes with both X and Y that cohabitate peacefully.
But his twitches are the subject here and the dastardly responsible parties are sound and concussion. They are the same parties as the ones that have reduced my hearing a good 30%. My bearers are Rock n’ Roll and machinery. This is why I find the argument for loud pipes to be absurd. Loud pipes are for the young superman who still does not believe in Kryptonite. In fact this young’un comes in all ages but it is rare to find a old superman. Usually you will find that an old superman is either a big talker with no substance or a seed planted by a supergod to ensure there are no old supermen. He will enthrall the young superman with epic stories of cheating the reaper or blowing their noses at harm and common sense while being rewarded with goddesses and large sums of money. Sometimes it’s hard to distinguish between a real old superman or a blowhard but it’s worth the investigation.
A moron will argue that loud pipes are safer cause the unknowing will hear you coming. They usually complain of little myopic blue haired old ladies or breeder moms with a cell phone glued to their ears. Buy a vowel people! You are going to scare that blue hair right into you or someone else when she wonders where that odd noise is coming from. Breeder mom is going to turn up the volume of her phone and in turn lose temporary control of that Hummer 2 and make you a bumperette. Now there is two more things you have to look out for. The first is Mr. Lawman. He is going to fine you or tell you to go away or he will put you away. Noise ordinances are springing up like tulips. The second thing is me. Ever work a double shift and have an idiot using your street for a test track? Ever have a sick child that has just fallen asleep after a ordeal only to have big macho biker boy roar past scaring the child silly? Maybe you have never had an ice cube impact the side of your helmet or pock your tank like a moon crater after being propelled by a Wristrocket Slingshot by a temporarily insane rest deprived citizen. But if you run loud pipes maybe you should or will. I would tell you were to not go so this doesn’t happen but that would take some fun out of it.
I know deep down you believe that those pipes make you a badass an outlaw and one who flips the bird at society in general. You are Marlon Brando or Peter Fonda riding in to terrorize a town raping and pillaging like a barbarian hord. Or, you are Freddie Spencer and the roadsides are filled with cheering fans.
Grow up…. drawing attention to yourself is not a very bright thing. If you are going to try to elude those who can limit your fun. Low profile is good. They don’t make high visibility camo do they? You sort of got a Rambo mentality. Best soldiers know how to use cover and not say here I am! But I am doing a disservice to those who are given the task of removing lower IQ’s or those with questionable motives from the population by telling them how to keep doing what they are doing. Just remember if you get clocked or dinged by an ice cube in the middle of summer while making an arse out of yourself don’t blame me with out a ballistics check on that cube and proof it came from MY Wristrocket! Good Luck with that!
Pods vs Airboxes
For years I struggled with carb racks and airboxes. Banged bleeding knuckles, many flung screwdrivers and kicked stools and chairs later I decided screw it I’m gonna get PODS! They look cool and the rack will magically disengage itself and about fall out of the bike. Installation can be done blindfolded with one beer and a cigar in play at the same time. Sure! Then it will always be sunny and 70 degree days with no speed traps and lovely ladies will line up to go for rides on my scoot.
So I sprang for some nice cheap pods. When they arrived I was glad to see they were pretty nice. So I began the task of removing the airbox from the bike. I thought about 5 minutes should have the big black plastic box out and into retirement. During the next hour and a half I had pondered getting a wood burning tool and just melting the thing out of the frame. But I persisted and removed it intact and it was time and frustration well spent as we will see.
It was just as I thought the carb rack with the chrome podsies went on pretty easy. Upon starting the bike I noticed a nasty sucking sound when twisting the throttle and a big hesitation when calling the engine room for power. The sucking sound is unstoppable and must be gotten used to but I still didn’t like it! The hesitation and power drop necessitated rejetting the carbs and adjusting the pin. A royal PIA but hey isn’t most stuff? Now I had the response to the engine room I wanted and it was time for a shakedown cruise. Pretty good! I’m gonna like this!
A little while later I was motorvating up a nice by-pass road and came up on a lumbering trailer truck. A quick look told me the coast was clear and I pulled out for a fast pass. All was well as my Kaw pulled nicely and the truck slid by until I got to the front where my Kaw decided to lose power. It was like a couple cylinders went to
A few weeks later I had to blast up to the market to get a missing ingredient for some nearly edible concoction I was formulating. It was a windy but warm day and I decided the Kaw was itching to roll. I saddled up with my backpack and lit the boilers. Purring like a kitten we edged onto the tarmac and slipped off. Cruising down the dense tree lined back roads my steed never skipped a beat. But for the middle of the run we had pastures on each side that brought the winds from our side and made my visor shake like a rattlesnake tip. Those blasts also seemed to take the wind out of her sails just as the front of a trailer truck does. One lengthy blast brought her down enough to raise my concerns and anger. When I got home again I experimented with my compressor and airgun and found the pods to be susceptible to side blasts of air. I started a search for rectifying answers.
I was big time disappointed. There were reports of this happening everywhere, along with reports that some were experiencing nothing of the sort. Of course the ones who had the problem were saying the ones that didn’t were crazy and the ones that didn’t have the problem were accusing the ones who did of looking for problems or outright lying. This is normal for humans. All I can say is I HAD the problem. MY big PROBLEM was the fix was to go back to an airbox! But in one glimmer of hope it was explained that there are two types of PODS! Who knew? Yeah? Well I guess you know everything!
The cheap pods were merely screens and the next generation were foam! Kewell! I will get some foam podsies! Whoa! They are how much??? Well there goes that VAcA in
So I ordered the improved top shelf model pods and went on a draconian budget that included ketchup tea and toast banquets. Skipping to the chase there was a slight improvement. But passing big rigs still meant I had to give wide berth and take a hiccup or two now and then. Then I got caught in a downpour and bad things started happening.. I also found that washing the bike required special care not to get the foamies wet. Someone suggested I put plastic baggies on the pods when washing and that pushed the old eggman right off the wall! I stalked around for days trying to reduce my internal temperature and hoped that all the kings horsies and men would at least show up and TRY TO REASSEMBLE MY LAID BACK DEMEANOR! I cruised the sites and instigated Pods vs Airbox debate only to be assaulted by youngun’s and street racers exemplifying the use of pods and old codgers speaking the merits of airboxes.
Well the old codgers won out with their common sense. The airboxes were designed to manage the flow of air into these machines and they do that well. Those nice shiny cheap pods were crap and the foamies came with their own set of problems while only reducing the cheapies problems a little. Sometimes testosterone gets in the way of good thinking.
So the airbox was going back in. Now I was real happy I did not try the box melting idea I had earlier to get the blasted thing out. This time it took me about 2 hours to re-install the airbox . I think it swelled(funny) haha! Now I had to re-jet & re-set the carbs back and I dipped back into the now severely flat wallet and ordered a set of new boots that go between the airbox and carbs. After a few failed attempts I sat, smoked a nice big fat juicy cigar, swilled a Molson Ice Canadian Beer and proceeded to fold the boots over on themselves. This was easy with the new supple boots. This also gave me another inch of clearance to play with and the carb rack went in clean as a whistle. I simply unfolded the boots onto the carb throats and re-clamped.
My experiment with pods was over. Lesson learned. Now I still hear you guys that have no bad experience with pods grumbling out there and all I can say is count your blessing. I wish that were my experience to. No…check that…now I know how to fold and unfold the rubbers I am very happy to have my airbox back. No sucking sound, no wash day plastic baggies and no side wind stumbles.
Bottom line is with pods you might find headaches. Some are small and some gnaw at you. If you can stand it or you experience none of these problems Pods are OK for you. But at least get the foamies and oil them. But if you want ease of carb installation, good air management, less sucking sound and the ability to run when wet then keep the airbox, get some nice soft carb boots and learn to fold. Your patience will be rewarded.
Ape hangers & the Apes of OCC
OCC sounds like a hideous disease. In a way that is exactly what it is. Now don’t get me wrong I love art! (Whoever says “Art who!” can kiss my arse!) I will not dispute what is or is not art. No Mapplethorp dissection for me! I love the choppers. But I also enjoy good engineering and workmanship so I am not a big fan of these clowns. There was a show I caught a couple of called Southern Choppers and there again I could do less with the owner of the shop and more from his bearded cohort. But their bikes were more rider oriented than OCC’s candy coated slapped together off the rack crap. And there was less what we do on vacation or 3 stooges routines which made it much more watchable.
I often marvel at people I see riding choppers on the street. Mostly because I know they have curious looking donut shaped cushions in their future if the extend this practice for a good amount of time. Preparation H is merely a temporary fix for the problems they will endure as back and shoulder problems will put them on the disability rolls before their time. But stylin’ is important to people it’s just too bad that in this case it will injure you so much. In thinking back over what I have recently written I guess hospitals and nursing homes will someday be filled with motorcyclists that are deaf, suffering the heartbreak of terminal hemorrhoids , bad twisted compressed spines, twitching nerve shocked two wheeled veterans, leather clad road rashed elderly children.
Then there are the apes. I did put a pair of apes on a XB-650 Yammie way back in my “I’m a doink years”. A vicious headshake at 85+ mph one day that had me making deals with a deity I don’t believe in gave way to bars that were better able to get me through another one. There is a reason that low bars work better. It’s not just wind resistance but that is a real thing none the less. It gets you off your tail bone and onto your thighs making comfort and time in the saddle less dependent on each other. It also seems to make you part of the bike and less sitting on top of the bike which is good for handling too. This kind of turns me off on the LTD and Specials models of bikes. They at least have suspensions and you can lower the bars. But hardtails and apehangers I just have to laugh or appreciate them as art.
Use of No Seize & Torque Wrenches
Man will you people get used to using NoSeize on your bolts or when different materials contact each other? Seems every time I get a bike someone has no clue to using No Seize or a torque wrench. What are you cavemen? You do realize there is a difference between a good shadetree mechanic and a butcher don’t you? And you know who you are!
Got a problem with any of this? Too Bad! This is MY space and my thoughts and experiences. Get your own! ...................Now that the screaming meemies are gone I hope I helped you with something. I in no way intend to tell you what to like or to love. I love individualism! Just be safe and come back often cause I got a big mouth (er..hands) and I'm not afraid to use them!
Be Well
AmbergrismOoOn
